


What Family Means

by sleeplesswerewolf



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Hawkeye (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Deaf Clint Barton, Gen, Hurt Clint Barton, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Manipulative Nick Fury, Nick Fury Lies, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Team as Family, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-23
Packaged: 2019-10-15 01:32:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17519648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleeplesswerewolf/pseuds/sleeplesswerewolf
Summary: Once again sent on a SHIELD mission with bad intel, the team runs into problems when Clint is hit with a de-aging gun. The past comes back to haunt him. Relationships are strengthened. A family is created.





	What Family Means

**Author's Note:**

> So...I don't know what this is. Does it make sense? No probably not. Please enjoy it anyway.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.
> 
> This story does deal with Clint's past child abuse, so it is mentioned frequently. Also, there is a heavy paragraph where a lot of other problems, such as Tony's anxiety, are briefly mentioned. If there is anything you think I should tag, please shoot me a message.
> 
> Enjoy!!!!  
> -J

Clint knew, he  _ knew,  _ that the mission would turn into a shit show. The intel they got from Fury was shady at best. And here they were, in some fucking warehouse completely unprepared for the level of organization, and the amount of AIM goons in the place. Most of the time, AIM was an easy job. They were stupid and just played at being a legitimate problem. Not today though. Today, they seriously stepped it up.

“Fucking hell, where did they all come from?” grunted out Bucky who was back to back with Clint.

“Remind me to have some serious words with Fury when we get back. I’m too fucking old for this,” came Tony’s bitching.

Steve scoffed, “ _ You’re _  too old for this?  _ I _  am too old for this.”   
“Please,” Nat let out, “you live for this shit.”

They shut up after an explosion on the other side of the warehouse caught their attention. Hulk.

“After this, I’m holing up in my room and eating my weight in pizza after napping for three years.”   
Bucky snorted, “How is that any different than any other day?”

“Oh fuck off.”

It was slowing down, Clint noticed, and soon it looked like it was going to be over. In fact, a couple minutes later, the last of the goon squad went down. Clint lowered his bow, looking around. Tony was off to the side, faceplate off and bitching to Steve who just looked like he wanted a drink. Nat was over by the Hulk, getting him to calm down and make Bruce reappear. Bucky was heading over to Steve, unconcerned by the blood oozing down his side.

“Hey! Barnes! You got-” Clint never managed to finish the sentence though, because at that moment one of the AIM douchebags had stumbled up and pointed a huge cylinder looking thing at him, letting out a flash of light.

  
  


Bucky turned at Clint’s yell, ready to make a smartass comment when he saw the flash of light. His feet were already carrying him towards the one guy who didn’t stay down, a knife out in his hand. He stabbed it into the man’s back, dropping him. “Clint!” At first, he thought Clint disappeared or something because he was no longer standing there. When Bucky got closer though, he realized he didn’t disappear but that he was replaced.

The others came running over too, alerted by the bright light and Bucky’s yell. “What the hell happened?” came Steve’s booming voice.

A slight whimper came from the spot Clint was and Bucky reached over. He stared. Huddled in Clint’s clothes, was a small boy, probably around five or six years old. The kid stared up at them, at Steve’s yell, complete fear in his eyes. Clint. Fucking Christ on roller skates.

“Is that Clint?” Steve asked, leaning closer. Clint made a noise and moved further in on himself.

Bucky glared, “Back off Steve, you’re scaring him.” He slowly came closer and knelt down on the ground, making it so they were on the same level. “Hey,” he started in a low whisper. “What’s your name?”

Clint stared at Bucky, not so much in fear but more in wariness. “Clint.”

So Bucky was right. Bucky tried his best to smile reassuringly. “Hi, Clint. My name is Bucky. Are you hurt anywhere?”

As if the question triggered something, Clint’s eyes immediately filled with tears and nodded. He held his hands out, which were scraped to hell, probably from the fall, and stuck a leg out. It had a nasty gash on the side. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, throat thick.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Bucky moved closer and gently took his hands, “It’s all right. It wasn’t your fault, we’ll get you some help, all right?” He soothingly rubbed his thumb over Clint’s wrists. As soon as Cling nodded in understanding, Bucky turned to the rest of the team who were all staring in different grades of shock. “We need to get him on the quinjet, he’s a little banged up. Nothing we can’t handle. And grab that fucking weapon or whatever.” No one moved. “Now,” Bucky growled. Steve nodded and he and Tony turned to grab the weapon while Natasha went with Bruce to get the jet ready.

Bucky turned back to little Clint, “Hey kid, it’s all right. You’re gonna be fine. Do you know where you are?”

Clint looked around, his eyebrows scrunched together. He shook his head.

“That’s all right. How ‘bout I pick you up and take you to this big fancy plane and I can explain what’s going on, yeah? And we can get you all healed up in no time?”

Clint stared at him, unsure if he should trust him.

Bucky sighed and lowered his voice a little bit more. “It’s all right Clint. I’m not going to let anyone else hurt you okay? I’m gonna keep you safe. Trust me?”   
Clint continued staring before hesitantly nodding his head. “Okay.” He lifted his arms, making it clear that Bucky could lift him.

Bucky grinned and swung him into his arms, tucking him against his chest. He bent down and grabbed the rest of Clint's stuff and carefully pocketed the hearing aids. They were quiet while Bucky carried him to the quinjet. Once inside, he settled Clint onto a comfy seat and gestured for Bruce to take a look.

“Hey, Clint, this is my friend Bruce, he’s gonna look at where you’re hurt and fix you up, okay?”

Clint clutched at Bucky’s shirt but nodded and let Bruce take a look. Bruce worked quietly and efficiently, cleaning and bandaging. Clint looked up at Bucky, “Was I bad again?”

The small voice broke Bucky’s heart. “What? No, of course, you weren’t bad Clint. Why would you think that?”

Clint looked down, his tone defeated as he shrugged his shoulders, “I’m always bad.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed in confusion. “No, no, Clint, you’re fine. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He threw a disbelieving look at Bucky. “Then why do I hurt?”

Bucky tried to figure out what was happening. “Oh. Oh, no Clint, you hurt because of an accident. No one here will hurt you on purpose.”

Clint looked down, swinging his feet, and mumbled, “That’s what he always says.”

Bucky’s heart stopped. “What?”

Clint avoided eye contact and lifted his shoulder in a pathetic shrug. “Nothin’.”

Bucky slid down from his seat and crouched in front of Clint now that Bruce was done and moved to put supplies away. “Clint,” he said, making him look at Bucky, “Clint, who says that?”

He shook his head, “Nobody.”

Bucky reached out and gently touched the little boy’s knee. “Does someone hurt you?”

“‘M not supposed ta tell.”

Bucky’s breath caught in his throat. “Oh, Clint, yeah you. You can tell me if someone is hurting you. Please, tell me, I promise nothing will happen, I promise, you can tell me. Who is it? Who hurts you like that?”

Clint looked up at Bucky, trying to gauge whether Bucky was telling the truth or not. He lowered his voice to a whisper, as if afraid that whoever hurt him would be able to hear him. “My dad. Sometimes. When I’m bad or he’s angry. I do a lot of bad stuff. I never make dinner right, ‘n I’m always droppin’ stuff ‘n he says I make too much noise. I try to be quiet, really.”

Bucky was pretty sure he saw red. He’s  _ never _  been angrier in his life. He’d love nothing more than to track down the son of a bitch and kill him or at the very least punch  _ something _ . But looking at Clint stopped him. “Oh, Clint.” He gathered him up in his arms and sat back down in the seat. “Oh, honey, it’s all right. No one,  _ no one _ , should  _ ever _  hurt you like that okay? That isn’t right. He shouldn’t do that okay? And I’m never going to let him do it again, all right? Cause you’re safe here with me, I’m gonna keep you safe. You never deserve to be hurt like that. Your dad is not supposed to do that, all right?”

Clint let out a small nod into Bucky’s chest. He rocked him back and forth, trying to calm both Clint and himself down. He finally looked up at everyone else in the jet, remembering that they were there. Steve looked at Clint with a look between sympathy and anger on his face. Tony looked uncomfortable and Bruce just looked sad. He couldn’t read Natasha’s almost blank face.

A few minutes later, Clint was knocked out from the traumatic events, completely asleep in Bucky’s arms. Bucky looked right at Natasha. “Did you know?”

Her gaze lifted from Clint to Bucky and back again. She shook her head once. “I had suspicions. Nothing concrete. He’d have nightmares. Never really talked about them. He was nonchalant about stuff, you know, the whole circus thing but he never even tried to excuse or joke about the nightmares. He’d,” Natasha looked like she was searching for the right words, “he’d beg almost in his sleep. Apologize over and over. Insist he didn’t mean to do it.” She shrugged, “He never wanted to talk about them, he was ashamed. I never mentioned it after the first time.”

Tony spoke, quiet, staring at Clint, “I thought about it, once. I had offered to make new hearing aids for him and he got really, I don’t know, suspicious. Kept wanting to know why and what I wanted in return. When I finally got him to agree, I asked him how he was deafened. I thought that maybe if I knew more about it, I would be able to make the best hearing aids for him. He got all weird. He said it finally became permanent after he got too close to a bomb like he had problems  _ before _  it happened. I questioned him, of course, but he got really twitchy. Kept saying stuff like he was hit a bunch. I asked about fights but he only shrugged, never really being definitive. I had thought, for a moment, that he was abused. But,” Tony shrugged, finally looking away from Clint, “I brushed it off. I thought, here’s this guy, all jokes and smiles, and a fucking disaster and I was stupid to believe that no one would want to hurt him.”

“Tony…” Steve started, “It’s not like you could have stopped anything at that point.”

Tony shrugged, “Yeah.”

Steve sighed, a hand coming up to his forehead. “I can’t even imagine. He’s just, he’s,” Steve floundered.

“Clint. He’s just Clint.” Bruce finished.

Steve deflated, “Yeah. He’s  _ Clint _ . Tony’s right, how could someone look at that kid and want to hurt him?”

Bucky tightened his grip slightly. “Can we get his father’s information?”   
Tony nodded but Natasha interrupted, “He’s dead. At least, Clint said he was. He said both his parents died in a car accident. He and his brother were carted off to foster homes before they escaped to the circus.”

“Christ. Kid never caught a break.” Steve said.

Natasha nodded. “He doesn’t like to talk about it. What he mentions about the circus are just stupid stories that’ll make you laugh. Something happened though when he was there cause he suddenly found himself alone and a gun for hire.”   
“I don’t think anyone deserves that shit but,” Steve broke off shaking his head, “but Clint definitely didn’t.”

Tony scoffs, “Makes you wonder how he can be the way he is now, with the shitty hand he’s been dealt.”

Everyone nodded. Bucky ran a hand through Clint’s hair. “Do we know how this happened? Bruce? Tony?”   
Tony shook his head, “I won’t really know anything until I get the thing back to my lab and tear into it.”

Bruce made a contemplative sound, “It’s not like he was shrunk. He was literally de-aged. From what I can tell, he’s developed like a little kid. He’s Clint, but he’s five years old Clint. If we want to fix him, we’ll have to figure out how to age him again. He’ll probably continue to grow when he’s like this.”

Bucky nodded and Natasha spoke up again, “I’ll go in and yell at Fury.”

Steve shook his head, “I’ll come with you. What the hell was up with that anyway? The intel was horrible.”   
“I told you,” Tony began, “we should start doing our own information gathering, decide what situations need us. If aliens invade and Fury wants our help, then fine, but we look into it ourselves first.”

Steve made a thoughtful noise in the back of his throat. Bucky, for once, agreed with Stark. He sighed, “He has a point. I mean think of how many times we’ve been thrown into a situation with shit info. And it never ends particularly well. I’m beginning to think that Fury just hands us the cases that look like they’re going to be shit shows and no other agent wants to take them. We need to stop being their bitch.”

Steve sighed again, but Bruce piped in, “You know I’m not big on, well, any of this. Pretty much the only reason I’m here is that Tony provides me unlimited access to a fantastic lab.” There was a pause when Tony flashed Bruce a smile and wink. “And the reason I’m  _ here _  on these missions is that I know you guys would actually be safer with me watching your back when things go up in flames like they did today. But, well, Tony and Bucky are right. Lately, the missions aren’t really about big threats that only the Avengers could handle and are more about cleaning up messes that SHIELD doesn’t want to deal with.”

Natasha made a noise, “You know, Fury tried to give me another mission today. Told Barton that he would have been able to partner with me but he’s avoided the psychological screening again.”

Steve paused, eyebrows furrowed, “Why would he do that?”

Natasha shrugged, “At first, I thought that it was because the mission involved undercover work, and that mine and Clint’s skills would have been useful. I turned him down. If Clint wasn’t going, I wasn’t going, especially when the rest of my team were being sent somewhere else. I’m beginning to think that Fury knew that it was just going to turn into a fist fight. Wanted me to do something more,” Natasha searched for the word, “involved,” she settled on.

“Seriously?”

Natasha held her gaze to the floor. “I’m beginning to think that maybe we should distance ourselves from SHIELD.”

Steve’s eyes widened. “Nat, you love being an agent.”

She shrugged, still not looking anywhere else, but her face was carefully blank. “Yeah, I did. When it was me and Clint getting into nasty situations that we always managed to get ourselves out of while putting equally nasty people away, either in a cell or in a coffin. Clint and I,” she sighed, “we’re  _ good _ . And I know you guys are too. Two super soldiers, a genius with an intense suit of armour, and a guy who can destroy a lot with one step. But Clint and I aren’t just good in a fight. We’re good at being  _ spies _  at being agents, at weaving our way into things, getting info, and taking things down, swift and fast before anyone knows what’s happening. The reason Fury wanted to start the Avengers was because of us. Because he saw us, Strike Team Delta, as the best and then Iron Man exists and Captain America, and what if he could combine them together to face threats that others couldn’t. Now he puts us on clean-up duty.”

No one said anything for a moment. Tony opened his mouth, “I thought you guys had a good relationship?”

Natasha sighed, resigned, “I’d say it was more complicated than anything else. When Clint brought me in, I was so grateful. Not at first. At first, I wanted nothing more than to kill him but he, well he’s  _ Clint _ , so of course, I couldn’t. He vouched for me and somehow convinced Coulson to give me a chance. Fury was just the guy that came in and stared at me to see whether I would kill him or not. When I didn’t, he passed me onto Coulson and Clint and made me their problem. It wasn’t until later, when Fury realized I wasn’t going to turn on them, that I was loyal to SHIELD, well more Clint and Coulson than SHIELD, but still, that he started paying more interest.”   
Bucky nodded, understanding, “I can see why you might not have the best view of Fury. But, what about Coulson? I always thought that you and Clint really got along with him.”

Natasha finally looked up at Bucky and nodded. “For a while, I think Coulson was this father figure that Clint and I didn’t know we needed. He didn’t care about us as agents, he cared about us as people. I knew, if we were in trouble, even if it went against SHIELD, Coulson would be there to help us out.” She shrugged. “Would he do that now? He died and he knew that Clint was killing himself over the guilt of it all. Yet, he never once attempted to let us know that he was still alive. A couple years ago, as soon as he figured out what was going on, he would have made sure we knew, no matter what Fury or SHIELD wanted. I still love him and I still trust him with my life but I think SHIELD's changed him.”

It was quiet in the jet as everyone took in Natasha’s words. After she came to live in the tower, everyone grew close to each other, but they still never really knew a lot about Natasha’s past. To hear her say all these things, well they knew that she trusted them.

Steve sighed. “Maybe it is time we give up on SHIELD. Let them clean their own messes up.”

Everyone let out murmurs of agreement. Nat cleared her throat and stood up, “We should be landing in half an hour.”

Bucky looked down at Clint, asleep in his arms. “So what’s the plan, Cap?”

Steve thought for a moment before using his captain voice, “Nat and I will go to SHIELD and confront Fury. We’ll get everything straightened out. Bucky, Clint seems to trust you, stay with him. Bruce, you should continue doing some testing on Clint, make sure he’s okay and that we won’t run into problems later with his ageing. Tony, get that thing in your workshop. Figure out how it works and how we can change Clint back.”

“Aye, aye Cap’n,” Tony lazily saluted. Bruce let out an affirming nod.

“He’s going to need clothes,” Bucky pointed out.

“I’ll have JARVIS order some.”

“Oh! And someone will have to catch Sam up on everything that happened. He’s still sick you know.” Steve pointed out.

Bucky groaned.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence until they reached the tower.

 

 

Sometime in between disembarking the jet and making his way into Bruce’s lab, little Clint had woken up. He was sleepily looking around, taking everything in.

“Hey, Clint, you doing okay?”

Clint nodded, “Where are we?”

Bucky took a seat while Bruce bustled around. He sat Clint on his knee and lightly bounced him for a moment to make him giggle. “We’re home. I live here, with the other people on the plane. This is a lab, where Bruce works. He’s gonna look you over, all right?”

Clint nodded while Bruce came back and started to examine him. “Am I, am I sick, Bucky?”   
“What? No, no you aren’t sick.”

“Then why does the doctor have to look at me?”

Bucky stared at Clint’s bright blue eyes and sighed. He met Bruce’s eyes, but he had just shrugged, telling Bucky to do what he thought was right. Bucky sighed, “No, you aren’t sick Clint. There was an accident, yeah? And we’re just trying to make sure that you're okay.”

Clint’s eyebrows scrunched together and he frowned. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

“No, no, the accident wasn’t your fault, Clint.”

“Oh.” If anything Clint looked even more confused. “What happened?”   
Bucky sighed, at least he was just as curious as older Clint. He scooted a little bit so he could pull his phone out from his back pocket. “Here,” Bucky pulled up the latest photo he had taken. It was of Clint, older Clint, with a piece of pizza hanging out of his mouth while he laid upside down on the couch, glaring at the camera. Bucky had taken it two days ago. Since actually getting his life together, Bucky liked to take as many pictures as possible. Even though he knew that if his memory was erased, the pictures wouldn’t actually help him, Bucky still felt like he needed to make his memories physically somehow. He turned the phone around and showed it to little Clint.

“See that guy?” He asked.

Clint squinted and nodded. “He looks angry.”

Bucky snorted, “Not really. He’s making that face in a joking way. I told him he couldn’t watch his favorite TV show anymore.”

“Oh.” Clint paused, unknowingly staring at him, “I’m not really allowed to watch TV. Sometimes if Dad’s not home, I can sneak some.”

Jesus, this kid. “Well, while you’re here, you can watch as much TV as you want. I just made this guy turn it off because it was really late and he needed to sleep.”

“Oh.” Wow, Bucky is going to fall in love with that little ‘oh’. Little Clint’s eyes screwed up again, in an adorable expression of confusion. “So who is that? Is that the person who made the accident.”

Bucky snorted, “Sort of. Clint, that’s you.”

Bucky was completely unprepared for the dramatic, adorable, disbelieving scoff that came out the small child. Little Clint started chuckling, “You’re funny Bucky.”

He couldn’t help but smile, “Only sometimes little man, but right now, I’m being serious. This is you.” Bucky tried to think of a way to prove it and asked, “Clint, do you know what year it is?”   
Clint nodded, looking proud that he did, “Yup. 1984.”

Bucky hated to crush him but he shook his head, “No Clint, it’s 2018.” Bruce helpfully handed over a newspaper. Bucky didn’t even know they got the newspaper. He showed it to little Clint, pointing at the date.

Clint’s jaw literally dropped. “Oh my god!”

Bucky chuckled and replaced the newspaper with his phone again, “And this man is you.”

“Did I, did I like time travel or somethin’?” Clint touched the phone.

“No, no you didn’t travel.” Bucky paused and looked at Bruce, “At least I don’t think so?”

Bruce shook his head, “No, very unlikely. Time travel would have been much more complicated, especially since that would suggest that past Clint replaced future Clint. No, it’s much more likely that he was just de-aged.”

“See?” Bucky jostled the boy with his knee again, “no time travel. You see Clint, you’re part of this team who goes out defeats bad guys.”

“Really?” It was more skeptical than it should have been.

Bucky nodded and swiped to another picture. This one was the entire team, right before a mission. “See, that’s us. We go out and put bad people away.”

“Like cops?”

He shrugged, “Sort of. But we’re better,” he flashed a smirk which got a little smile out of Clint. “Anyway, this morning we were sent out to put a big group of bad guys away. We were just about to leave because we thought everything was cleared and taken care of, but one of the guys jumped up and pointed this weapon at you. The next thing we knew, our Clint, adult Clint, was gone, and in his place, you.”

“Oh.” Clint seemed to think for a little bit. “So I just shrunk?”   
“More like they just made you younger. Even though you don’t have the memories yet, you and our adult Clint are the same person.” Bruce cut in.

“So instead of getting old, I got little?”

Bruce nodded, “Yup.”

“Oh.”

Bruce stood up with a smile, “Well, Clint, you seem to be pretty healthy. I’d like to run one more test though, and you’d have to go into a separate room.”

Clint clutched at Bucky’s hand. “Why?”

Bucky wanted to know the same thing, “What test?”

Bruce sighed, “I’d like to run a hearing test, see how you’re doing with that.”

“Oh.” Clint paused, struggling for a moment, “I’m okay.”   
Bucky raised his eyebrows, “You’re okay?”

He nodded determinedly, “Yes. I don’t need a hearing test.”

Bruce remained his usual calm self, “It’s all right Clint. I won’t force you to do it. But, why do you think you don’t need one?”   
Clint looked down, unwilling to meet Bruce or Bucky’s eye.

“Clint,” Bucky began, “does this have something to do with before? With your dad or someone hurting you?” Clint nodded. “Well, remember what we said? You can tell me, I’m not going to let him hurt you again.”   
Clint pulled his bottom lip in his mouth and then immediately spit it out as if remembering getting yelled at for it. “I’m not supposed ta tell. If I do, they just hurt more.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I’m bad, sometimes my ears get hurt and then I don’t have a very good time hearing everything but if I say something it just makes it  _ worse _ .”

“Well,” Bruce started, “That’s an easy fix because no one here is going to hurt you. We want to do a hearing test to help you.”

Clint stared at Bruce, unsure. Bucky rubbed a hand down his back, “It’s all right. Bruce means it, we just want to help.”

Slowly, Clint nodded. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

“All right,” Bruce smiled, “We’re just going to go into one of the back rooms so it’s quieter. Then we’ll go in and I’ll place these big headphones over your ears and I’m going to play some different sounds. All you have to do is raise your hand if you hear it all right?”

“What, what if I don’t hear it?”

“Nothing will happen. I’ll just mark it down and we’ll keep going. And then,” Bruce exaggerated, “once you’re done maybe Bucky will take you upstairs so you can stuff yourself full of some pizza, yeah?”

That got a smile. Turns out, even little Clint had a thing for pizza. “Yes! Okay, let’s go.” He jumped down from Bucky’s lap and grabbed his hand instead, following Bruce to the back room.

Bruce went in and set a chair up and the machine. He turned to Clint, “How about you go wait in that chair for a few seconds while I tell Bucky something?”   
He seemed unsure for a moment but after Bucky nodded in encouragement, he settled himself down.

Bucky turned to Bruce who had let the smile drop and sighed. “What, what’s wrong? Is he not okay?”

“No, no, he’s fine. Well. Besides the leg scrape and the hands, he’s not hurt anywhere else. The only other thing that I saw as a problem was his size.”

Bucky’s eyebrows raised. “His size? It’s not like he’s overweight Bruce.”

“No, I know, that’s my  _ point _ . If he is five years old, which based on the year he thought it was, he is, then he is underweight. Malnourished even. I’m not saying that he’s starved, because he probably isn’t. What I am saying is that what he does eat isn’t enough nor does it have a lot of nutritional value.”

“Oh, okay. I mean, he’ll be fine right? Of course, he will, he  _ is _  fine.” Bucky babbled.

“Exactly. I think it’s important that we try and remember that Clint, our Clint, has already lived through what this little one has and no matter how worried we get over him, Clint is still fine right now.”

Bucky nodded, “And the hearing test? Just curious when it started or what?”

Bruce shook his head. “Partly, I am curious how far it has progressed and what not, but I did notice slight trauma around his ears. Also, just watching him talking and listening to you, it’s obvious he relies on some lipreading. If I had to guess, I would say he gets his ears boxed on a regular basis, hard. The trauma has caused permanent damage. For years afterwards, his hearing was probably never the same and any sort of trauma could cause it to almost flare up. The explosion that Clint talks about, combined with this trauma, definitely would have resulted in his severe hearing loss now.”

Bucky turned to look at the little boy swinging his legs in the chair. “Let’s, let’s just do this so I can get him that pizza you promised him.”

Bruce nodded and went in the room, while Bucky waited and watched from outside. It didn’t take very long, and soon Clint was pulling the headphones off and hopping down from the chair. They walked out and Bucky smiled down, “How’d it go little man?”

Clint shrugged and looked up at Bruce, an unsure expression on his face.

Bruce smiled reassuringly, “He did absolutely fine. There were some areas where he just needed it a little louder and that is okay.”

Bucky grinned and reached down to swing him up in his arms, “Awesome. Now let’s go eat, I’m starving!” Bucky exaggerated succeeding in getting a cute giggle. He walked them to the elevator.

“I’m going to finish up here and then head over to Tony. I’ll see you guys later,” Bruce said from deeper in the lab.

“Bye,” Bucky raised his voice. Clint gave an adorable yelled ‘bye’ too before the doors closed.   


 

Bucky was surprised to see Sam hunched over the common area’s breakfast bar and sipping on some broth.

“Wilson.” Bucky ground out.

Sam tensed for a moment and without turning around let out a “Barnes.” It was pathetic. His voice was hoarse as hell ended it with a sniffle and cough.

“Oh my god,” Bucky swung Clint around and settled him on a stool on the other side of Sam. “I can’t even be mean to you, it’s too sad.”

Sam glared and raised his hand to give him the finger.

Bucky gasped dramatically, “Hey! Little eyes!”

“I know what that means.” Clint let out, very matter of factly.

Sam grinned the best he could. “See, he knows what it means Barnes.”

Clint’s eyes narrowed, “I know what it means but Bucky is my friend so you can’t be mean to him.”

Sam looked shocked at the determined glare and defensive tone on Clint. He raised his hand not clutching the blanket wrapped around his shoulders in surrender. “Hey, no worries. I’m sorry. Bucky and I just have a weird sense of humor with each other.”

Bucky, not actually wanting Clint to be mad at Sam, quickly jumped in, “Yeah, that was us being nice to each other. Don’t worry Sam and I get along pretty well, so you don’t have to worry. But thank you, you’re my friend too Clint.”

Clint grinned and nodded in delight. “Okay.”

Bucky smiled and turned back to Sam, “We’re ordering pizza, do you want me to get you anything?”

Sam glared up at Bucky then pointedly glared at his bowl of soup and then back at Bucky. “You know, I think I’m good.”

Bucky smirk grew even wider at Clint trying to hide his giggled behind his hand. “Oh well, more for us then. What do you want you little monster? Pepperoni?”

“Oh yeah! Yeah please, Bucky!” Clint asked excitedly.

“Of course.” Bucky ruffled his hair and looked at Sam again. “I’m gonna get some for everyone else. Do you remember what topping Natasha likes the best?”

Sam thought a moment, “I can’t remember if it’s spinach and mushroom or onion and mushroom.”

“Oh yuck!” Clint stuck his tongue out.

Sam and Bucky looked at each other and confirmed, “Spinach.”

“And remember, Tony’s being weird and is getting  _ olives _  on his. He’s lucky that Bruce will force it down or we wouldn’t order it,” Sam croaked.

“Oh right. Disgusting. Steve’s still going with pepperoni, right?”   
Sam nodded. “Yeah.”

Bucky took a moment and considered whether he should actually call. “Hey, JARVIS?”

“Yes, Mr. Barnes.”   
“Woah!” Clint shouted, looking around and then up.

Bucky grinned, “Did you get that order J? Do you think you could ask them to deliver for us?”

“Of course Mr. Barnes.”

“Who, what is  _ that _ ?” Clint demanded.

Before Bucky could answer, JARVIS explained, “Hello Mr. Barton. Since you are younger than usual, I’m sure this is very strange. My name is JARVIS. Mr. Stark has created me. I am an artificial intelligence system that manages the tower.”

“Basically,” Bucky said, “he’s like this computer that controls a bunch of cool things. Like, watch, could you turn the lights down a little? I’m getting a headache.” Immediately they began to dim.

“Oh, that is so cool.”

Bucky nodded. “Yup, JARVIS is pretty cool.”

“Thank you Mr. Barnes.”

Sam looked like he was about to say something when the elevator doors opened and Nat and Steve trudged out.

Steve immediately spotted Sam and walked over to wrap his arms around the sick man. He pressed a kiss to his cheek and then relaxed his head against Sam’s shoulder. Natasha sighed and pulled herself into the stool on the other side of Clint, leaning her head on her hands.

“Wow,” Bucky said, “It must have gone well then.”

Steve snorted. Sam quietly asked, “Are you all right?”

Steve straightened and slid in next to Sam, flashing a reassuring smile. “Yeah, just tired. Arguing is so exhausting.”

“So, what happened?” Bucky questioned.

“We are no longer a SHIELD affiliation. We are now an independent company. We made him sign a contract and everything. Stark was nice enough to video call. We are now fully funded by Stark Industries.” Nat said, her voice devoid of emotion. She sounded as tired as Steve looked. He was worried about her. He knew how much SHIELD had meant to her, despite what she had said on the jet.

Sma snorted and then proceeded to cough. “We were practically funded by Stark anyway.”

Bucky hummed in agreement and then informed them both, “I ordered pizza for everyone. Should be here soon.”

“Good,” Steve said and cuddled in next to Sam who made an appreciative noise.

Clint turned to Natasha, “Who are you?”

Bucky snorted.

Nat continued looking at Clint expressionless, her head still perched on her hand in what could be either boredom or fatigue. “My name is Natasha.”

“My name is Clint.”

Bucky smiled at how adorable he was.

“I know,” Natasha informed him.

He didn’t seem disturbed by her lack of emotion and just continued swinging his legs. Bucky spoke up, “Natasha is your best friend.”

“Really?” Clint questioned, looking excited.

“Hmh.”

Clint frowned and looked at Bucky, “I thought we were best friends.”   
Steve snorted and Bucky resisted the urge to scowl at him. Natasha, thankfully, interrupted, “Bucky is your best friend, just in a different way than we are.”

Bucky nodded, accepting the explanation. “You and Nat have been friends for a really long time. We’ve only known each other for a little bit.”

“Oh.” Clint seemed to ponder something, “Why are you friends with me?” he directed to Natasha

Bucky was surprised by the question but if Nat was, she didn’t show it. Her expressed softened. “Because, little hawk, you were there when I needed you to be. You saved me when I needed to be saved.”

“Oh.” That damn ‘oh’. “Well, what if I need you now?”

Bucky frowned, what was he talking about?

“What if I need you to save  _ me _  now?”

If possible, Natasha softened even more, “Clint, I will always be here to save you, I will always be here no matter what you need, but what do you need saving from now? Bucky’s taking care of you.”

Clint shook his head and clutched at Bucky’s hand. “Not, not now. I mean when I have to go back.”

Oh. “Clint,” Bucky began, catching his eyes, “you don’t have to go back there. You are never going back to your dad where he can hurt you okay? Remember what we talked about with Bruce. You’re just going to stay here until we manage to grow you back up to the adult that you are.”

“Right. I’m sorry. I’m not supposed to talk about it.”

“No, no, it’s all right Clint. I told you, you can tell us, we’re going to protect us. You should tell us.” Bucky encouraged.

Steve watched with a frown on his face. “You can talk about it, Clint. We want you to.”

“Right,” Bucky nodded, “We’re your friends now. You are actually all grown up and living here with us and you don’t ever see your dad no one hurts you like that.”

It was quiet for a while before Clint let out a very soft, very sad and defeated. “I wish you guys were there to save me back then.”

And wasn’t that just a fucking punch in the gut. Sam let out a sick, almost whimper, at the statement, Steve looked shocked, and Natasha just looked as upset as she manages.

Bucky reached forwards to hug Clint to him, “Oh, sweetheart, I wish we were around then too.”

Just then, Tony emerged from the elevator, “What up, love doves?” Tony took in the scene and faltered. “What’s wrong?”   
Bucky cleared his throat. “Nothing. I ordered pizza should be here soon.”

“Actually,” came JARVIS’s voice, “it has just arrived.”

Tony nodded, “Cool,” and went to go meet the delivery man. He came back quickly with four pizzas.

They all worked together to get plates set up and the slices handed out before settling into each other again.

“Where’s Bruce?”

“Taking a nap on my couch, I’ll save him some for him later,” Tony answered. “Oh! Little bird,” Tony looked at Clint, “I almost forgot. I have some clothes for you, so you can get out of your big ones.” At the moment, Clint was just lounging in his adult t-shirt which swallowed him up.

“Oh.” Clint looked surprised that he was being talked to. “Thank you.”

“Of course little man. I’ve made some progress on the beam thing but nothing concrete yet. I have JARVIS analyzing it and hopefully tomorrow I can figure out how it works. Then we can figure out how to reverse it.”

Everyone made noises of understanding.

“Tony,” Steve began, “Don’t be down there all night. Get some sleep. Clint is, as of right now, perfectly fine. You can use the rest.” His voice left no room for argument and Tony just grumbled.

“Speaking of sleep,” Sam turned pleading eyes towards Steve, “Can we go get some? I need some cuddling and I’m taking full advantage of having a boyfriend who can’t get sick.”

Steve chuckled but stood up and grabbed Sam’s hands, “Sure, come on. Did you take that cough medicine I left out for you?”   
They walked to the elevator, “Of course not. It tastes like fucking death itself.”

“Sam,” oh no, the Captain America voice, “it doesn’t matter what it tastes like if it makes you feel better.”   
“Yeah, well you go in and chug that bottle,” Sam continued, their voices fading when the stepped into the elevator.

Tony stood up, “Yeah since he practically ordered me to sleep, I’m gonna take some food to Bruce and make him get in bed and think about doing it myself.” He grabbed the box with the disgusting olives.

Bucky stood up too, looking at Clint, “What do you say, little man? Want to change into some comfier clothes and get some rest. I’m pooped.”   
Clint, who had actually been trying to keep his eyes open after devouring his pizza, nodded in relief. “Yes, please.”

Bucky turned to Natasha, letting worry seep into his voice, “Are you gonna be okay?”

Nat lifted her head, returning to the present, “Yes. I’ll be fine.”

While Clint was busy putting his plate in the sink, Bucky leaned in, “Seriously, Nat. I know that look. Get out of your head. What happened was an accident that no one could stop. Clint,” he sighed, “Clint’s past is just that, his past. And,” he placed a hand on her shoulder, making sure she listened to him, “who you are is not based on whether or not you're a SHIELD agent. You don’t owe them anything. And, if you decide to stay an agent, then that’s you’re choice too and it won’t change anything with us. Okay? You’re still Nat.”

Natasha let out a small smile, letting Bucky know that he had been right about her line of thinking. “Thanks, James. Now go get our best friend into bed and get some sleep.” She stood up swiftly and wandered back to her own floor.

Bucky turned to Clint, “Well, come on you little monster. Let’s go to bed.”

  
Once on Bucky’s floor, Clint and Bucky separated in order to get ready for bed. Bucky showed Clint the bathroom and handed him some clothes to change into along with a spare toothbrush. Bucky meanwhile, got extra bedding to make up the couch. He didn’t feel comfortable sharing a bed with little five-year-old Clint, especially since Bucky knew Clint wasn’t really five years old. Once Clint was done, Bucky led him to his bedroom and tucked him in.

“Wow,” Clint looked around in amazement, flopping on the bed. “This is the biggest bed I’ve ever seen.”   
Bucky chuckled, “Yup.” He pushed the blankets down and helped Clint get under them. “And you have it all to yourself.”   
“Really?” Clint asked, a big smile on his face.

“Sure do. I’m going to be out in the living room if you need anything okay?”

“Okay.”

Bucky couldn’t help but lean down and place a gentle kiss on Clint’s forehead, smoothing his hair back with his hand. “Goodnight Clint.”

“Goodnight Bucky.”

He was already yawning by the time Bucky shut the light off. Despite the hectic day, Bucky thought, it could have turned out to be a lot worse.

 

 

Whoever thought to put a damn kid with the fucking Winter Soldier was a moron. Bucky  _ should _  have thought about it. It wasn’t like he was completely recovered, far from it. If he didn’t wake up in the middle of the night with a nightmare, screaming his head off, or worse, trying to kill a pillow, than he was lucky. So Bucky should have known that letting little Clint stay with him, especially overnight, was a bad idea.

Bucky had no idea what time it was, he could only focus on the slight weight that had dipped the couch down, the darkness, the fear still pulsing through his veins. A small whimper made him blink.

He blinked again.

He...he was in his living room. Not Russia.

A knife was in his hand. No, no not a knife. The knife was in Russia.

He had a pair of scissors in his hand.

He met blue eyes.

Fuck. Fuck.  _ Fuck _ .

He dropped the scissors, “Clint? Oh my god, Clint? Are you okay, please tell me you’re okay?” Tears were streaming down Clint’s face and if Bucky hurt him he was going to die. Bucky reached out to gently check the boy. “Clint, I am so sorry, I’m sorry, so, so, so sorry. Clint, Clint, can you look at me? Please look at me, baby?”

Clint listened, meeting Bucky’s eyes. “Oh, oh sweetheart,” Bucky wiped the tears away, setting himself on the floor next to him and pulling him close, “I am so sorry. I’m sorry. It’s all right, okay? Please, tell me I didn’t hurt you. Clint, are you hurt?” Bucky pulled away, “Tell me Clint, are you hurt?”

Clint shook his head, “No, no, no.”

Bucky breathed out and hugged Clint hard. “Okay, okay.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry Bucky.”

“What? Clint, why would you be sorry?” Bucky stroked Clint’s hair, trying to calm him down.

“‘Cause, I got a nightmare and I came to wake you and you, you got scared. I’m sorry I scared you. I was scared and dad always yells when I’m scared and I try not to be, honest, but I can’t help it because he’s there, and I dreamt it but it  _ happened _  and, and, and you and Nat said that I need you and you’re here and I,  _ I need you Bucky _ . I need you to scare him away because I can’t.”

Bucky, relieved at first that his reaction was short and he was only startled into a small flashback instead of actually hurting Clint, was now trying desperately to calm the poor child down and figure out what he was saying. “Clint, sh, sh, it’s all right. Of course, I’m here, I’m always going to be here when you need me. Don’t be sorry, I’m so happy you came to get me. It’s okay to be scared, okay? Tell me, what was your dream about? Was it your dad?”

Clint just let out a shaky nod.

“Okay, okay,” Bucky whispered.

“The bed was so big Bucky and I was alone.”

“It’s okay, come on,” Bucky, with Clint still wrapped securely in his arms, stumbled to his feet and sat back on the couch. He grabbed the blanket and wrapped it around Clint’s back. “It’s all right. I’m here, okay? You’re not alone and I’m not going to let anyone, especially your dad come anywhere near you ever again, all right? Sh, sh, it’s all right. I’ve got you.” Bucky continued to soothe him, calm him down until he had mostly stopped crying.

In the silence, Clint whispered, “I’m sorry. I, no one, I get scared. Barney tells me I’m stupid and that I can’t be but I  _ am _  and you said you’d save me.”

“Oh, baby, it’s all right. Don’t apologize. Of course, I’ll save you, okay? And, you know what? It’s completely okay to be scared. I get scared all the time.”   
“Really?” Clint’s voice was small, almost hopeful.

Bucky nodded, “Really. You know when you came and tried to wake me up and I kind of freaked out a little?”

Clint nodded against his chest.

“Well, the reason why was because I was scared. You see, a while ago there were some really bad people and they did some really bad things. They hurt me and they made me hurt other people even though I didn’t want to. And there was nothing I could do about it. Until, one day, Steve, you know Steve, he came and he rescued me because just like how me and Nat will always save you, Stevie will always save me. But sometimes, sometimes I have nightmares too and sometimes I feel like I’m going to hurt someone again and it makes so scared because I don’t want to hurt someone. ANd when you woke me up, and you were crying, I thought I hurt you Clint, and I was so scared that I hurt you.”

Clint shook his head, “You’d never hurt me Bucky. You said so and I know you won’t. You’re my best friend.”

Bucky let out a watery chuckle, “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

There was a moment of quiet, where Bucky just kept running a hand through Clint’s hair and trying to calm them both down even further. Clint whispered, “It’s okay Bucky, cause I’m gonna save you too. Me and Steve, we’re gonna save you. Always.”

Bucky tried to hold back his tears and cleared his throat. “Yeah,” his voice thick with emotion, “yeah, I know you will.”

They settled down after that, Bucky going to lay on his side and taking the still clutched to his chest Clint with him. They curled up together and fell asleep.

 

 

The next morning, everyone in the common kitchen who looked their way knew it was a shit night. Clint was fine, he tugged Bucky with him down the hall, excited for the breakfast he smelled. They must have ordered or something because the only one who could cook breakfast was Sam and Sam was probably still sick. Clint eagerly, with a smile on his face, climbed onto the chair next to Steve and across from Natasha.

“Good morning,” she greeted.

He smiled wider and returned, “Good morning.”

Steve smiled down at him and ruffled his hair. Sam was curled next to Steve, still looking half asleep but not sniffling or coughing as bad as before.

Bruce was opening packages of food, so his assumption was right that they had ordered. Bucky always liked meal times and not just because of eating. Now that they were all living together, they all kept an eye on each other and between Steve’s determination that they all eat together for a proper meal, Sam’s talent in the kitchen, and the worry of everyone what would happen if Tony didn’t show up, mealtimes were always a group thing. It felt nice and made Bucky think of good times.

Steve and Natasha had immediately shot him worried looks after he sat next to Clint with his coffee in hand. Bruce passed him a plate and then another one for Clint. Mmm, scrambled eggs, sausage, and homefries from Lulu’s.

Bucky shook his head, “It was fine. We just head a little bit of a rough night but we managed okay didn’t we.”

Clint nodded and finished swallowing some of the orange juice that Tony had probably actually poured for himself. He tugged on Steve’s shirt, making sure he was looking at him before Clint, with a very determined expression on his face, said, “We’ll save him right? Bucky says you save him. So we’ll do it. Me and you. Always.”

Steve, and Bucky for that matter swallowed hard. “Yeah, yeah, kid, we’ll always save him. Me and you.”

Bucky looked away and sipped on his coffee.

“So,” Tony once again managed to break the tension, “I  _ did _  sleep last night,” he pointedly addressed to Steve, “but I also got up early this morning and Bruce was already up so we worked a little on the de-aging thing and we’re pretty confident we know how it works. We’ve managed to de-age a couple fruit, mainly blueberries, two bananas and one kiwi in case you were wondering. We going to try and work out the reversal process but hopefully, it should be ready by later this evening. I won’t bore you with the details, but it actually is very interesting, though, kind of useless because why would I want de-aged fruit?”

Natasha snorted. “You are messed up.”

“Yes.” Tony shrugged.

Bruce continued, “We’ll try with the fruit first, but I’ve made careful notes of exactly how old and in what state Clint would be in right now if he was never de-aged so we will be able to return him to normal.”

Everyone nodded their praise and continued stuffing their faces.

“Hey, is Wilson alive over there?” Bucky asked, loud enough for the blanketed mound to hear him.

The answering groan was nice.

Steve rolled his eyes. “He’s actually feeling better and even says that he thinks he’ll be completely fine by tomorrow. He’s just tired and the thought of eating is still making him a little nauseous. Other than that,” Stev shrugged, “healthy.”

Bucky scoffed, “You need to take him to a different doctor than Steve.”

“I hate you.”

Bucky smiled. “Same Wilson. Same.”

Natasha and Steve both shared an eye roll.

Tony, with a piece of toast shoved in his teeth, stood up, “Well this breakfast has been lovely but I have work to do.” He slowed as he got behind Clint and ruffled his hair. “As much I like you, and let’s face it you’re adorable, I also really miss full-sized bird brain you.”

Clint just smiled. “I’m sure he misses you too.”   
Tony just chuckled and headed for his lab. Bruce isn’t far behind him. The rest finish up eating in companionable silence.

“So what’s on the agenda today?” Bucky asked.

“My plan is to shove myself on the couch and maybe persuade a certain blond super soldier to keep me company.”

Steve snorted, “I guess my plan is to find myself stuck with a big sack of potatoes that can’t do anything alone.”   
Natasha shrugged, “I was just going to paint my nails. I might as well do it in the living room to watch that drama.”

Bucky grinned and looked down at Clint, “What do you say to a little cartoon watching?”

“Really? I would love to! I’m never allowed to watch the TV at home.”

“Well,” Steve began, “that settles it. Get yourself as comfy as possible on that couch. We are watching cartoons and only cartoons for the entire day.”

Clint whooped and hopped down from the couch, launching himself onto the couch.

Everyone else followed at a leisurely pass. Steve and Natasha took the moment to interrogate him.

Bucky sighed at their simultaneously asked question, “What happened?” and began to tell them, “He had a nightmare and when he went to come wake me I was startled. I didn’t do anything, but I was fucking terrified for a moment that I had because he was on the floor crying. Turns out he was just scared from his nightmare.” He looked them both in the eye and said, as serious as he could, “I wish his damn father was alive. The things I’ve imagined doing to that fucker. How could anyone be like that? To  _ Clint _ ?” All of them glanced over at the excited boy, bouncing eagerly on the couch. “I want to kill him, his father. Nowadays, there isn’t much violence I actually want but fuck I wish I could kill the bastard.”

“Yeah,” Nat agreed, “We’d do it together.”

Steve sighed but nodded, “Well, there isn’t anything we can do to him now, so let’s just let little Clint enjoy his cartoons. Hopefully, our Clint will be back later.”

Bucky paused for a moment, “We, we’re not going to ignore this right? After Clint is back, we’re not going to ignore all that has happened?”

Nat shook her head, “He’ll be mad that we know but he’d be madder if we knew and didn’t say anything.”

Sam nodded, “Honestly, it sounds like he needs to deal with it. Obviously, he hasn’t done so in his adult life and we need to be here for him.”

“Right. Besides, it’s likely he will remember this. Adult Clint is going to know about all of this.” Steve pointed out.

Bucky sighed, “Yeah. We’ll handle it. Together.”

Everyone nodded and they made their way to sit in the living room.

 

The entire day, by other standards, was wasted. They truly did do nothing but sit on the couch and watch cartoons and even though Bucky didn’t understand the shows at all, he still had a lot of fun. Especially, watching little Clint laugh and enjoy them. It was just around the time they were starting to get hungry when a harried Tony Stark came bursting out of the elevator, hold the age weapon thing with Bruce right behind him.

Natasha raised her eyebrows in question.

“We did it,” Tony rushed out. “We’ve managed to get it working. The actual technology and idea are impressive but the execution not so much. Once we realized we were dealing with idiots, it was easy to figure out.”

“Really? It’s all good and safe and works?” Bucky clarified.

Bruce nodded, “Yes. It will be fine.”

“Well,” Steve shut the TV off, “I guess we should get on with it then. You what? Just point it at him and he returns to normal?”

Tony nodded, “Yes, that’s the idea. Although, no one should stand too close to him or it would cause them to age as well.”

Everyone nodded and started to move away from Clint. Clint clutched at Bucky’s shirt.

“It’s all right Clint. Tony’s gonna fix you right up.” Bucky reassured and helped Clint slip into the too big clothing so when he grew, the clothes didn't rip apart.

“What if I go back? I know you said that I wouldn’t but what if I do?” Clint’s eyes pleaded for an answer.

“Clint, I promise you that when you open your eyes again, you will be standing right in front of me, just a little older okay? I am positive. But, if not, then I’ll come for you okay? Me and Nat and we’ll save you.” They held eye contact until Clint nodded.

“Okay.” He stepped away from Bucky and turned to Stark, still a little nervous. Bucky smiled reassuringly.

“Okay,” Tony began and slid sunglasses on his face, “Everyone close your eyes. You too little dude. It’ll be bright for a few seconds and then it’ll be done. Ready?” Everyone voiced their assent. “Okay.”

Tony was right, it was bright. It only lasted a moment though and Bucky eagerly opened his eyes along with everyone else. There stood Clint, full-grown Clint, looking down at himself in that adorable confused way.

Bucky grinned and stepped forward letting him take his hearing aids quickly, “Clint! God, it’s so good to have you back!”   
But Clint looked up and fear flashed before he was taking a step back.

“Clint?” Buck tried again but Clint was shaking, looking in between everyone, lingering on Nat and Bucky and there was an emotion in his eyes that Bucky couldn’t begin to understand.

“I-I, sorry, I need to-” He broke off and turned away.

“Clint,” Bucky tried but he only ignored him and continued walking away. “Clint, come on. What’s wrong?”

Clint let out a frustrated sigh and spun around to face the rest of the room. Bucky was surprised at the tears that filled Clint’s eyes when he looked at him. “It’s  _ embarrassing _ . That’s what’s fucking wrong!”

Bucky stepped back at the sudden yell. His eyebrows furrowed, “What?”   
Clint let out an exasperated sound like Bucky was being particularly thick. “It’s embarrassing. I turn into a fucking kid and blurt out all about how my dad fucking beat me and all of this other stuff and I come back and you’re all looking at me like  _ that _ . Like, like I’m gonna fall apart or something. I was a kid and I’m here crying all over you, being completely  _ ridiculous _  like I can’t handle a little roughing up-”

Bucky blocked out the rest of what Clint was saying after he heard that. “Like  _ what _ ? Clint,  _ Christ _ , you were a damn kid. You were five years old and you were scared out of your damn mind whenever someone came near you. If we started talking in a volume slightly above normal, you would immediately close in on yourself. You were five fucking years old and you shouldn’t  _ have _  to handle a little ‘roughing up’. It wasn’t roughing up, Clint! It was fucking abuse. You were  _ abused _ . You weren’t bad, you didn’t do anything wrong, you didn’t deserve any of that. Your dad was a piece of shit. That’s what was wrong, not  _ you _ .” By the time Bucky was done, he was heaving with emotion.

Clint stood in front of him, hands clenched, and tears running down his cheeks. He let out a rough, unamused laugh and brought his arm up to angrily wipe at his face. He mumbled, “Look at me, can’t even, fucking  _ pathetic _ -”

“Clint,” Bucky softened his voice and stepped closer, “please. Talk to me. Come on, tell me what is going through your head. Why are you so upset about this?”

Clint sniffed, looked away and avoided everyone’s eyes. “Look at this,” his voice was less emotional, rougher, but still adamant. “Look at this. I’m not going to start balling like a baby and cry about all my problems to,” Cint looked up at the rest of the Avengers, “to fucking Tony Stark who grew up ignored by his parents, who was surprised we wanted to be his  _ friends _  because no one else ever did unless it was for the money he had, who has anxiety and panic attacks and just wants to save the world and blames himself when he  _ can’t _ . Or to Natasha,” he moved his gaze, voice becoming almost pleading, “who grew up in some fucking crazy Russian academy that trained her to be the most efficient killer ever, who never had any real relationship with anyone until well into her adulthood, who was forced to have her ability to have kids taken away from her, who most people only see as a, a weapon, and not the amazing person she is. And Bruce,” Bruce’s eyes furrowed at the attention, “who’s so afraid of himself that he thinks he deserves to be alone, who actually tried to kill himself because he thinks he’s a monster when in reality he is the sweetest guy ever and no one ever sees it because they're so focused on the damage that the Hulk can do,  _ who  _ can be just as sweet and friendly and loyal and understanding as anyone else when people treat him like it. Or Sam Wilson who went through shit in the army and continues to do fantastic things for vets and just helps people because he’s a good guy, yet his entire life he’s had to deal with bullshit prejudice from assholes, who was shoved into this fear that he still flinches when his boyfriend holds his hand in public because being black was bad enough but being bi  _ and _  black is like a death wish.” Sam looked shocked but Clint didn’t hesitate, “Or Steve Rogers? The guy who risked  _ everything _  just to fight for his country and get his best friend back? The guy who was literally willing to die for that. Who had a  _ date _  damn it and instead woke up seventy years later as a walking science experiment, who people still only use for the publicity and as a ‘good’ soldier. Who tries just as hard as Sam not to be seen in public because how would people react to Captain America, the symbol of this nation, being gay? Who is constantly put into tough positions and gets judged no matter what decision he makes? Or, or,” Clint was getting frantic, “or am I supposed to stand here and complain to  _ you _ , Buck? To the fucking 40s kid who only wanted to do something  _ good _  before he got on with his life and in the process was fucking captured and tortured and experimented on for  _ fun _  by the ultimate goon squad. Whose mind was literally ripped apart and shoved back into his head? Who was brainwashed for fuck’s sake and was forced to do such horrible things and almost kill his best friend and yet  _ he’s still here? _  Still fighting and protecting Steve Rogers as if his damn life depended on. He’s still up and walking and living. What gives me the  _ damn right _  to stand here and complain about a few shit things in my life to you guys? Huh?”

Bucky was shocked. In fact, judging by the complete silence, everyone was.

Clint was heaving, tears still flowing but his eyes weren’t sad they were determined and angry.

“Oh  _ fuck off _ , Barton.” Tony snapped. “You want to play it that way? Fine.” He stood up and Bucky was almost afraid that Tony was going to say the wrong thing and it would all be over but he was still too surprised to do anything about it. Tony gestured wildly with his hands at the whole group, “What gives any of  _ us _  the right to complain about any of that to you? Huh? Clint Barton,” his tone was snide, but Bucky knew he was just trying to make a point, “grew up in who the fuck knows Iowa. Who from before he was five years old was beaten and abused all the damn time and told that it was  _ his _  fault that he was doing stuff wrong and that he deserved it? Whose dad was a complete drunk that killed himself and your mom in a damn car accident? Now, for little Clint Barton, that might have been a good thing, but no, it’s never easy. Cause he was thrown into the foster system which sucked more than it even does now and was tossed around home after home until him and his brother finally realized that running away to the fucking circus was the best decision they had. And maybe it was but it certainly wasn’t a good one. Instead, he goes to the circus where people only use him to make money off his talents and when that wasn’t enough, tried to turn him into a fucking criminal, stealing for them. But hey, at least he had his brother right? Family. But wait, no because his fucking asshole of a brother turned his back on him as soon as money and jail came into the picture and left Clint Barton  _ alone _  with  _ nothing _ . It has to get better, right? Maybe it does, a little, but Clint’s out in the world, no high school education, no GED, no money, no job, and shit ears that only half the time work. And he thinks, well there’s one thing I can do. So he picks up that fucking bow and he starts taking hits. And somehow, even though he’s a gun for hire, he still manages to do the right thing. And he gets himself tangled up with shit politics and spying and missions and SHIELD. By now, his hearing is almost gone and now he’s  _ that  _ guy, the one with the hearing aids and the disability that everyone thinks makes him stupid and underestimated. But that’s okay, Clint’s used to being thought of like that and knows no matter how hard he tries to change people’s minds, they won’t so he plays it up, he pretends because that’s safer. And everything seems to be doing okay, I mean sure the guy is a fucking disaster and is clumsier than anything, but he’s got a team and he’s got this fucking freaky assassin, spy best friend that can kill someone with a look, but it’s looking good. But, hey, just to put another nail in the coffin, there’s aliens and a fucking god with magic. So now Clint wakes up, a killer headache, and remembers everything. He remembers all of the destruction and the death that he played a role in and  _ Coulson _  and he suffocates himself under all that guilt. And yet, and yet here Clint Barton stands, worried about  _ us _ , about the biggest, shittiest group of misfits. He’s here and he’s standing and he’s fighting and in an instant, in a second, he’d sacrifice everything he had, including his life, to save any one us in a heartbeat so fast that none of would know it was happening until it was over.” Tony was practically out of breath from his tirade. Clint was quiet, tears leaking from his eyes as he stared at Tony. It was obvious that Tony had done his homework. “So guess what Bird Brain, you are going to sit your ass down on this couch and you’re going to shut the fuck up and let us give you the biggest group hug you have  _ ever _  experienced and you’re going to sob and it’s going to be ugly and afterwards we’re all going to huddle together, order a shit ton of takeout, put on a crappy movie, and we’re all going to be sad and tired because this day has been a fucking emotional roller coaster that  _ no one _  here was prepared for and then we’re all going to fall asleep together and cuddle and tomorrow we are going to wake up with headaches from crying too much and we’re going to team up together to convince Sam to make us chocolate chip pancakes and bacon because he’s the only one that can actually make good breakfasts and we’re going to sit down together and from now on we’re going to be  _ open _  and honest and we’re going to dump our shit on each other because we’re all friends and we love each other.” Tony took a deep breath and relaxed. “We  _ love  _ you Clint. We aren’t just a team, we’re a damn family, okay? The best kind of family because we chose each other, because we don’t ignore each other, we don’t judge each other based on sexual preferences or skin color, we don’t  _ abuse _  each other, and we don’t give up. We are not giving up Clint.”

At this point, everyone was crying. Clint sniffed and rubbed at his eyes. Bucky stepped forward and gently reached out, “Come on, Clint, come on.”

Clint let Bucky grab his arm and pull him towards the couch where everyone was gather like Tony had said. They both settled down, Bucky’s arms coming around Clint in an embrace. Tony sat next to Clint and cuddled into him. Steve was on Bucky’s other side; they shared a watery look. Bruce quietly took his place next to Tony, reserved but leaning into the comfort. Natasha climbed in next to him, taking his hand. Sam squeezed his way in next to Steve, who took his hand while Sam rested his head on Steve’s shoulder.

Tony’s voice was thick when he spoke again, “Just because someone else’s life was shit, doesn’t mean that your life wasn’t shitty too. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter.”

“Clint,” Bucky softly began, rubbing his hands on his back, “you should never be embarrassed or ashamed about what you’ve been through, or about telling any of us about it. Where you are now, that shows that you’re stronger than those things and you’re surrounded by people who love you.”

Everyone made noises of assent. Clint nodded his head in Bucky’s chest and sniffed.

It was a little bit later and everyone had settled down and relaxed when Clint finally brought his head up, “Fucking hell Stark,” he let out a watery laugh.

Tony grinned. “Hey, I am always here to point out when you are completely wrong, it is my favorite hobby.”

Bruce chuckled and shook his head. Sam piped up, “Hey, wasn’t food part of this deal?”

Steve and Natasha laughed and agreed, so Tony called out, “Hey, JARVIS, order us some of our favorites?”   
“Of course, sir. Mr. Barton, if I may?”

Clint looked surprised at being addressed but nodded, “Uh, sure, J?”

“Although I am not a sentient being and therefore cannot feel any emotion including love, I would like to say that it is a pleasure to work for you and if you need anything you only need to ask.”

Bucky laughed, “Christ, Stark, you made your damn AI emotional.”

Clint smiled, a look of surprise on his face, “Oh, well, thanks J. Since I am a sentient being and do feel emotions, I love you too.”

“Thank you, Mr. Barton. I shall line up the Expendables series on the TV for you all.”

“Wow, Jarv, you are the best,” came from Tony.

“I do try.”

It was quiet for a moment before Clint cleared the emotion from his throat and started softly, “Thanks guys, I just-thank you. I love you guys so much and you guys are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I’m sorry-”

“No.” Natasha cut in.

“Yeah, no being sorry for anything Clint.” Sam continued.

Steve swung his head around Bucky to give Clint a look, “Seriously. You have done nothing wrong. Nothing to apologize for.”

“Okay, okay. I take that back. But I still love you guys and thanks for being here for me. I, uh, I just really appreciate it.”

“Like we said,” Bucky assured, pulling Clint back to his chest and turning to the TV, “we’re family.”

Tony was right, they were so emotionally drained, they barely got food into their systems before they had passed out.

 

 

The next morning, Bucky woke up to the smell of pancakes. He shifted a little, trying to place the weight on his lap and what the fuck was that on his neck. He grunted and opened his eyes.

“Jesus Christ Stark,” he hissed, keeping quiet when he noticed that Clint’s head was the weight on his leg and was still sleeping along with Bruce at the end of the couch. “Get your fucking tongue off of my neck.”

There was an amused snort from behind him and he craned his neck to see Steve smirking down at him. “Oh, shut it you punk.” He jostled his shoulder, waking Tony up.

“Huh?” Tony blinked, looking at Bucky, down at himself, Bucky, and shrugged. “You’re comfy.”

Steve laughed. Bucky scowled. “Get up.”

Tony let out a quiet, dramatic sigh but lifted himself up and off the couch. Bucky slowly slid out from underneath Clint, making sure his head continued to rest on a pillow instead of his thigh. Bruce was still passed out.

Bucky walked into the kitchen to see Sam casually flipping pancakes. Natasha was perched on the counter, feet bare, as she stared intently at Sam’s technique. Steve came up behind him, kissing the back of his neck and chuckling when he screwed up the pancake flip he was in the middle of. Steve reached up and grabbed a mug, handing it off to the still almost dead to the world Tony. At Bucky’s grunt, Steve grabbed another one.

“He still asleep?” Natasha asked, snagging a piece of bacon and ignoring Sam’s glare.

Bucky nodded, “Out like a light. It actually helps that he can’t hear, because if he could, Tony’s loud snoring would have woke him up.”

A moment passed.

“Hey!” came Tony’s offended voice. Everyone chuckled at the late response. “You liar, I do not snore.”

Bucky snorted. “Yeah, you just drool buckets, my neck is disgustingly wet.” He reached next to Tony to grab the coffee pot. Tony stood on his toes and quickly licked a strip up Bucky’s neck. He violently flinched away, spilling some coffee on the floor while everyone else laughed. “You fucker.” He scrubbed at his neck, making it red.

Tony danced around the table to hide behind Steve.

It got quiet in the kitchen again before Sam tentatively asked, “Do-do you think he’s gonna be all right?” He busied himself with placing the pancakes on the growing stack.

Natasha shrugged, “Yeah. I think, well you heard him. His entire life, everything he did was always his fault. Can’t say I blame him for his response. He didn’t know any better.”

“We just need to make sure he never doubts this. Make sure he knows that it isn’t his fault.” Bucky put in.

Sam nodded, staring down at the batter with furrowed eyes. Steve looked at him, worried. “Hey,” he reached out to touched Sam’s arm, making him turn to look, “you all right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sam nodded and turned back to breakfast, “it’s just, I kind of can’t help thinking about what he said. It shocked me a bit. Think I still am a little. I never,” he cleared his throat, “I never actually had all that stuff put in a nice organized list, you know? Never thought about myself or my life like that. I guess I just always thought, you know, I’m lucky. I survived the army, no casualties, not like a bunch of other guys, and because of that, I wanted to continue helping them. My ma is great when I was little and now. I love her. When I was done with my tours, I settled down. Met you guys, and this fucker,” Sam let out a smile and elbowed Steve in the ribs, “and yeah we got in some nasty situations but we did it together. And, sure, I’m black and people are still shit but I turned out a lot better than other people.” He paused and glanced at Steve. “But he  _ was _  right. I let that, the fact that I had to deal with being black, stop me from being bi. I was always nervous that if someone didn’t give me trouble for my skin, they were going to give me trouble for kissing a dude. I’m not, I’m not afraid or anything. I can handle it. But, it just gets so tiring and eventually, you’d rather not deal with it and instead just hide it. And I guess,” he sighed and sat the spatula down and looked back up at Steve, “I just don’t want to anymore. I’ve got a good thing, hell I’ve got a great fucking guy that even my ma would love if I brought him home. I don’t want to hide it.”

The smile Steve let out was blinding. “Yeah?”

Sam smiled, “Yeah.”

Steve swooped in and kissed, wrapping his arms around him. Natasha leaned over and stole some more bacon.

Steve pulled back, still grinning but a little serious, “Sam’s right,” he addressed to everyone, “Clint laid everything out in a way I never thought before. I just, I always assumed I was supposed to be grateful, everyone kept hinting like I should be. I survived, I should be thankful. But I wasn’t, not really. Everything was new, and I hated it. I didn’t know anyone and everyone kept telling me how I was supposed to be feeling and what I was supposed to be doing. I think I spent so much time trying to convince myself what I should be doing and thinking that I never stopped to actually see what I was really thinking.”

Tony nodded, “Yeah, I think Clint brought up a lot last night, in ways that none of us has ever thought of before.”

“It’s easy to brush off how we think about our own lives. We can lie to ourselves.” Natasha shrugged, “Clint made it so we couldn’t do that anymore. It’s disconcerting.”

Steve turned to Bucky, “I was worried there, for a moment, when he mentioned you. I was afraid you’d lock yourself up.”

Bucky let out a chuckle, “Yeah. Yeah, I almost did.”

“But,” Tony began, a skip in his voice, “we have each other, so we can handle it.”

“Yeah,” everyone hummed an agreement.

They stood in companionable silence while Sam finished breakfast. Steve started pouring drinks, Bucky helped Natasha with setting the table, and Tony stood over to the side ‘supervising’.

Bruce shuffled in, sniffing the air, and rubbing a hand through his sleep messed hair, “Hey, pancakes?”

Natasha snorted, “Yeah, Bruce, pancakes. Sit yourself down before you hurt yourself. I’ll get you a cup of coffee.”

Bruce let out a dopey grin and sat down, gratefully taking a sip of the mug handed to him.

Bucky sighed softly, “I’m gonna go wake him up, all right? Breakfast is done soon right?”

Sam nodded, “Yeah, mainly I’m just trying to keep Natasha from eating all of my damn bacon.” They competed in a stare off.

Bucky rolled his eyes and made his way into the living room. Clint was still dead to the world, his mouth opened, his face smooshed against the pillow, his legs flung haphazardly. Bucky chuckled fondly at the view and crouched down next to him and gently shook his shoulder.

Clint’s eyes blinked lazily, “Huh, wha’?”

Bucky smiled at the confused, sleepy look. He signed, “ _ Breakfast. Wake up. _ ”

Clint squinted at his hands before flopping his face back down and groaned. Bucky laughed and grabbed his aids off the coffee table. He poked him viciously in the back, making Clint flinch up with a glare.

“Bastard,” but Clint took the aids anyway.

Bucky grinned and helped Clint get up off the couch as he rubbed sleep and leftover tears from his eyes. “Come on. There’s a fresh pot of coffee with your name on it. Plus, Sam made pancakes and we need to get in there before Nat eats all the bacon.”

“Pretty sure the pot literally has Stark’s name on it.”

Bucky laughed but continued to guide Clint into the kitchen. Clint stumbled and fell into a chair, his eyes still pretty much closed. Bucky held a mug in front of his nose and Clint blindly reached for it.

Sam plated all of the pancakes and sat them and the bacon in the middle of the table. He gestured for everyone to dig in. Nat reached for the bacon, but Tony did his weird karate thing that made everyone think he was actually crazy. “Nu-uh, you have to wait until we all take.”

Natasha glared, but no one at this point was affected much. The food was passed around. Clint struggled to open the syrup and Bucky laughed until he took pity on him and helped.

Clint grinned up at him, “Thanks.”

“You are literally a wreck,” Sam sighed fondly.

“Yup,” Clint concentrated on putting as much syrup as possible on his plate without overflowing it before passing it off, “That’s why I’ve got Buck.”

Steve snorted.

And of course, because they could never just have a quiet breakfast, an alarm went off. Everyone froze. It wasn’t the normal alert. They turned to Tony who said, “JARVIS?”

“Director Fury is trying to contact you and is attempting to bypass my security measures.”

Tony sighed and shrugged, “Whatever, patch him through to the kitchen monitor.”

“Of course sir.”

Everyone had, for the most part, stopped eating and waited as the screen flickered and showed Fury’s face.

Tony plastered on his public face, which wasn’t in any way ruined by the fact that he was wearing Captain America pajamas. “Director Fury, I am so surprised to get a call from you since the last time we spoke I thought we made out point clear.”

“Now, Stark-”

“What was it you said Steve? It was very memorable, let’s see. Oh, right. Fuck Off.” Tony’s smile dropped.

Clint gaped, his fork falling from his hand as he looked at Steve in surprise.

Fury rolled his eye, “What are you all doing? This is serious and it isn’t the time to be playing house-Barton?” Fury squinted. “Agent Barton, it is so good to see you back to your normal self. When do you think you’ll be able to return to duty?”

Clint looked confused and opened his mouth but Natasha jumped in first. “He won’t be.”

“Excuse me, Agent Romanov?”

“No longer agent. I’m resigning, effective immediately.”

“You can’t just-”   
“And so does Clint. We are no longer SHIELD agents.”

Fury looked speechless for a moment before he clenched his jaw. “Well then, you will have to remove yourself from the Avengers’ initiative, effective immediately.”

Tony snorted but it was Steve who responded, voice firm. “Actually, Nick,” Bucky had to stop himself from laughing at the clear passive-aggressive disrespect, “the Avengers are no longer part of SHIELD. I’m sure you remember that from the last time we spoke. In fact, if you don’t I’m sure Tony can send you another copy of the contract you signed if you, unfortunately, lost your copy. The Avengers are a fully independent agency that is completely funded by Stark Industries. No government agency has the authority to disband us, control where we go, what we do, or really anything else. In fact, at the moment, you are interrupting a completely normal, family breakfast between a few friends who have had a very tiring night. If you have any further questions, or if you would like to request Avenger intervention, then I encourage you to contact Ms. Pepper Potts, who has agreed to lead our PR department and has a very serious role in our organization. If that’s all,” Fury tried to interrupt but Steve finished with a very firm, “you can, what was it? Fuck Off.” JARVIS cut the feed.

The table was silent. Tony was failing to hide a giddy grin. Natasha had her eyebrows furrowed in thought. Clint’s mouth was still opened in shock. Steve looked down at his plate as if reanalyzing everything he said and convincing himself he did the right thing. Bruce was slowly chewing on a piece of pancake. Sam was staring at Steve with, well a  _ look _ .

Sam broke the silence first. “Holy fuck, Steve.”

Steve looked, confused, “What?”

“That was so fucking hot. Hurry up and finish your damn pancakes.”

Bucky laughed at the bright blush that consumed Steve's face. He shook his head though and smiled at Sam.

Tony laughed, “Man, that was great. I thought his only eye was gonna fall out of his head.”

Natasha smirked, “It did feel good.”

Clint closed his mouth, opened it, closed it again, until he finally whispered in disbelief, “What happened to ‘ _ language _ ’?”

Everyone but Steve burst out laughing. Steve blushed some more and reached a hand up to scratch at the back of his neck. He just shrugged.

They laughed and talked for a little bit more until Bruce and Natasha stood up to clean the dishes. Sam physically dragged Steve out of his chair. “We’re gonna be busy. Like really busy. All day. So unless the world is ending or someone is dying and it isn’t Bucky, then don’t bother us.”

“Hey!” Bucky glared, but they were already making their way to the elevator, Steve’s hand pressed against Sam’s hip.

Bruce just finished loading the dishwasher and wiping his hands on a towel. “Yeah, I think I’m gonna head down to the lab for a little bit.”

“I’m going to see Pepper. I’ll help her with the mess of all this.” Natasha walked out with a salute.

“Yeah, I should probably update JARVIS’s system of alerts. Plus, I need to create an algorithm to analyze possible threats that we may have to respond too.” Tony walked around the table, whistling some rock tune, and entered the elevator.

Clint was still guzzling coffee. God, he was so beautiful. How anyone could hurt him was beyond Bucky. Clint peered at him from the corner of his eye and slowly, set the mug down. “What?” he asked after swallowing a mouth full.

Bucky shrugged, “Nothing. I just love you.”

“Oh.”

Bucky chuckled and reached a hand out to gently grasp Clint’s cheek. “No, I mean I  _ love _  you. Like I’d really rather nothing else than to kiss you right now.”

“Oh.  _ Oh _ . Really?” Clint asked, hope clouding his tone.

Bucky smiled, “Yeah really.”

“Okay.”

Bucky smiled even wider and leaned down closer. Their breaths mingled for second before Clint leaned the rest of the way in and their lips touched. He gasped like he wasn’t expecting, and Bucky loved it. It was a short, sweet, filled with emotion, kiss, and it was perfect.

“Now,” Bucky spoke, rubbing his thumb gently against Clint’s cheek. “How about we,” Bucky leaned in a pecked him again, “we go get a shower and then we can go to the range and you can beat my ass like you always seem to do.”

Clint grinned, leaned in and kissed Bucky before pulling back, “That sounds like an excellent plan.”

Bucky laughed and pulled Clint up, dragging him into the elevator and pressing him up against the wall, kissing him more passionately. Clint pulled away, panting, and pressed quick, biting kisses to Bucky’s jaw. He nibbled at his ear and whispered, “I love you too.”

It took a little bit before they actually made it to the range.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave some kudos and comments because they allow me to live!  
> -J


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